Hope and Pain

Hope and Pain Audioblog

Why is Desire so important to Hope? Isn’t my Desire the thing that gets me into the most trouble? Isn’t that why I want to eat too much, drink too much, sleep too much, or get angry too much?

How can Desire have anything to do in helping me build my hope?

This was once my internal dialogue.  I used to think that my problem was that I wanted too much.  I thought I wanted too much out of life. I thought I wanted too much out of my work and marriage.  I was even led to believe I wanted too much out of my faith, and that the things I yearn to see and encounter just don’t happen any more.  What changed?

Change came when I discovered that wanting too much wasn’t the problem.  Instead, realized I don’t want enough.

In the season of my darkest days of 2016, I came face to face with the brutal truth that life was not working out the way I had hoped it would.  My career as an entrepreneur had led to an ending I never wanted or imagined. The internal, emotional pain of that time was the worst I’ve ever had to bear.  I started questioning my decisions and the reasoning that got me into this position. Why was I so stupid to think I could succeed?

The internal dialogue continued as did the pain. All pain demands relief and I was looking for a solution.  So I drank a lot, which helped to silence the negative voices in my head and so I could fall asleep. It worked for a while.  But there was one voice I could not keep quiet. It was the voice of Hope.

Hope was persistent in reminding me why I took such a big risk to become an entrepreneur.  Hope worked to convince me that immediate relief from the pain of loss was going to keep me from finding satisfaction in moving toward the better future again. Hope reaquainted me with Desire.

As a result, I started wanting more again.  

I was no longer content with relief from pain. I wanted more than escape.  I wanted to keep going. I wanted to keep searching for the better future that I had always imagined. I started to believe I would create again. Desire was indispensable in this process.  Without Desire, I would have lost my way completely, and I certainly would not be writing this post today.

I’ve come to learn how many of my decisions in life are made from a motive of avoiding pain, especially the pain of disappointment.  Hope doesn’t take away the pain, but it does help me overcome it and try again.

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