Hide and Seek

There are times when I encounter something so beautiful, so moving, I am compelled to stop everything I’m dong and pay attention. My good friend Warrior put this next song on a mixtape for me in 2007.  I always appreciate his judgment and perspective when it comes to art. When I didn’t understand Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, I consulted his opinion. He changed my mind immediately.  He saw something I didn’t, and I gained from it.

I clearly recall placing his CD into the player of my old Ford Windstar minivan (very glad I’m out of minivan season) and slowly backed out of the garage. The highly compressed auto-tuned voice stopped me in my tracks, or driveway to be more precise.

Where are we?

What the hell is going on?

Listen to Hide and Seek

It only took 4 bars to feel in my bones that this was going to be an important song. I waited there until the song finished. I recall asking myself, “what did I just hear?”

This is the role of beauty in my world.  It attracts, draws me near, forces me to look and admire.  It doesn’t matter what it is. I’m into flowers, aroma, and the night sky for all the same reasons.  I pay attention to their quiet inner invitation. They draw me in. I’m compelled to respond.

As I sat behind the steering wheel with overflowing eyes, I felt the longing in Imogene Heap’s words.  It’s rumored that she wrote this about her parents divorce when she was 12. This makes sense from some of the imagery she uses. but it doesn’t really matter.  I believe good art should lead me to consider my own questions, not the questions of the artist. I’d love to talk with her about the inspiration of the song, but I would bet she would be just as delighted to know how her art collided with my longings.

Sinking, feeling

Spin me around again

And rub my eyes

This can’t be happening

It is said that Love gives freely and doesn’t seek a return, but it says nothing about not longing for one.   

Oily marks appear on walls

Where pleasure moments hung before

The takeover

The sweeping insensitivity of this

Still life

Hide and seek

Any artist, Imogene included, wants their work to matter.  But your approval can’t be my motive for creating. I’m writing daily now because I have to, not because you tell me you appreciate it.  I love and am very grateful for the comments you post and the feedback you share with me, but this can’t be the reason I write. I sit down at the computer each morning because if I don’t, something will dry up in my soul. And at my age, I refuse to possess an inner life of decay.  My body is aging and I can’t keep up with physical activity like I want, but my spirit never needs to be in decline. I believe my longings are eternal. My body and circumstances are not, so I need to prioritize the things I obsess over.

Rob Bell put it this way when he answered a question from a guy about overcoming his fear of the audience turning on him when he is speaking.  Bell told pointed out his problem was that he gave away his joy to the crowd and they didn’t give it back to him. Great speeches come out of great hearts within great people who do so in Love.

It’s that same tension I mentioned in a previous post All These Places Feel Like Home.  Love must hold the longing to bless in tension with the longing to receive.  I’m always reminded of Solomon’s wisdom on this matter:

It is good that you grasp one thing

And also not let go of the other;

For the one who fears God

Comes forth with both of them.